I’m upset.

I’m angry.

I’m saddened.

I lost one of my favorite champions of photography. He is a friend, a mentor; was a coworker. He is one I sought to work with even before working here.

Last Thursday, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch eliminated 18 jobs, several of those in the newsroom, and one being Sid Hastings, our former Assistant Director of Photography.

It came as a shock. I arrived back from a video assignment and looked to Sid for a video edit. He wasn’t there. His desk seemed oddly vacant.

Fellow staffer Rick Mach told me. Sid had been laid off. It was a punch to the chest. I couldn’t breathe.

I’m not angry with anyone and it’s not our editors’ fault. The dreadful economy that continues to table our personal plans caused it. It’s business. It’s about money, and maybe a few false expectations of growth. That’s what I’m angry about. Whatever the monster, it forced out my friend.

It’s actually part of a larger sadness. I’m tired of our industry’s layoffs. I’m tired of the buyouts. I’m tired of not knowing what we all as newspaper photojournalists might be doing a year, two years, and five years from now. I’m tired of trying to predict it, and I’m tired of being tired about it. It’s time to move on.

Its time to move on, time to get going
What lies ahead I have no way of knowing
But under my feet, baby, grass is growing
Its time to move on, it s time to get going.

–Tom Petty

How hard should this all be? I want to make pictures and tell good stories. I want to go out everyday and make quiet, colorful, and truly memorable photographs. I want good journalism. I want to talk photography — heck that’s why I work with other photographers! I want the passion that is the craft. We have it. We just need to look because it’s here somewhere. We just have to fish it out of this dismal ocean. The first thing is to never stop caring. Quantity over quality should be a punchline, not a memo via email.

Did you know that I dreamed of working at the Post-Dispatch when I was young? When I was 9 or 10 I saw a beautiful essay on Eastern Europe by (former staffer) Jerry Naunheim. It moved me to be a photojournalist. I wanted to travel, to get away and document the world from my own perspective. This isn’t about immortalizing oneself; it’s about practicing the beautiful craft of pure documentary photography.

Nevertheless, Sid is still here — in St. Louis, in his home, looking for options. He hasn’t moved (yet) or even lost touch. But in the photography department he’s sorely missed. He sees my vision, watches my style flourish. I especially knew that when he edited my take because we talked on the same level. We talked photography and waited for the perfect light to head out on a late afternoon “photo safari” [our term for street photography right after company hours were over.] We never got the chance to go. We were too busy.

Sid put three hundred percent into his job. He worked on his vacation days; he came in and looked at pictures no matter what. He lived a picture editor’s life. He’s going to be fine. I know it.

So here’s how it’s going to happen. I’m heading back tomorrow, fresh off a video shift with an open mind, and with still camera in hand, I’m going to try and keep up the three hundred percent that Sid put in here everyday at the Post. This isn’t for satisfying the needs of others. Whatever happens with this business is going to happen. This is shooting for us, not them. Good things may come to an end, but it won’t be a dead end, just a bump in the road.  No worries, no turning back. Get out, make some beautiful pictures, and please send me a few for inspiration. I would love to post them here with your permission.

Live the photographic life.